10/02/16 - Clearly the summer is over. It's been about a month since it's been over, but don't judge me because September was hot as hell. With a new month and new weather coming about, of course I would write another blog entry. As of late I have felt a certain complacency which has effected so many things in my life. At the beginning of this year, I was pumped full of hope and energy. As I received more gigs, struggles to create, and the pressure to stay "relevant," I could feel myself getting weighed down with the very things I really wanted to do. I faded into the background, decided to be observant, and truly figure out what it really was that I wanted to do. From the outside looking in, it may seem things are going extremely well and in fact, they are. The major problem is that I can truly say I am content. I hate this feeling for being extremely comfortable. I realize that most of the time we strive to be stable, safe, and comfortable with life when in fact God wants it to be the total opposite. We must stay in a constant state of movement and to do the work he has called us to do.
A few days ago, when I was feeling a little discouraged, I went through the Podcast app on my iPhone to find a little light. I came across some of Joel Olsteen's podcasts and the first one I pressed play on was titled "Ask Big." Funny once I listened to the sermon, everything made sense. He spoke about how we pray for the minimum when we should pray for things bigger than we can imagine. Instead of praying to get through the day, we should pray for excelling throughout the day. We serve a God that is able to turn impossible things tangible. I sat at my desk in awe. Olsteen continued by saying often times we pray, "Lord, I don't know what I'm going to do, but you just do whatever." He said that we should tell God exactly what we want. I thought about this statement for a very long time and I questioned myself: Toese, what the hell to you really want? I felt like I was asking for too much when it comes to God and it made me look selfish. In fact, God wants us to demand what we want and not be afraid to ask. In the bible it states that God will give us the desires of our hearts and why wouldn't we ask for the biggest blessings imaginable.
Yesterday, I went to the barbershop and was speaking to my mentor O about life and the craziness of Columbus' music scene. He stated that there will not be anyone who will make it out of Columbus because no one is a starving artist. No one is willing to give up being comfortable to pursue their dreams. He then turned to me and said, "Are you relying on your music to get you through life, or that Chase paycheck?" I sat there stuck. I couldn't even give a response and the response I tried to conjure up wasn't even worth uttering. He then said "Are you willing to say, it's either this or nothing? That there's no Plan B?" I couldn't do anything but stay silent.
I guess it's time for me to really dig deep and really step out on faith once again. I know God is with me always so I shouldn't be afraid of whatever comes my way. I have struggled before and God has blessed me with so many things because I sought after him.
We shall see what happens. You never know, i may be clear across the country.
Also peep my latest remix to Beyonce's Formation: